Starship SuperTroopers

In the year 2626, alien life finally came to Earth... and we were totally cool with it.


Of course, they didn't come here empty-handed. In their tentacley appendages they grasped loads upon loads of SpessRox, a radical new high outlet, mined from asteroids. The drug was generally well-received by us humans, even in spite of the overwhelming fatality rate due to piloting while intoxicated (PWI).


In turn, we swapped weed, coke, all sorts of things with 'em. They gave us technology to pay for it, and now we're cruising! Literally! All the places we never got to see, all the gnarly, big-headed extra-terrestrial party people we never knew existed! We met them all, dude.


But it's not all fun and games... There's still the gal-gal... The Galactic Enforcers... Ugh.






Gnobb Naxius tossed a small, plastic baggy over his shoulder to Spazz Whambasster, in the back seat. Gnobb, Spazz, and a human named Chuck 'Chuckles' Droy, were smooth-sailing in Gnobb's ol' Gravitator X3, completely smashed and screaming Pearl Jam songs into the hazy air of the cockpit.
"Hey," Gnobb shrieked in between verses, "This Earth music stuff ain't half bad!"
Chuck, busy plucking away at an air guitar solo, nodded, "Told you, brah."
"Gnobb! Gnooooooooobb!" whined Spazz from the back, slapping Gnobb's shoulder with a spiny hand, "When are we gonna' listen to my Subspace mix tape?"
Gnobb groaned, the air sack beneath his chin inflating irritably. "Dude, I told you! I hate Substep!"
Chuck whirled, a sneer on his lips as he droned, "Pass me the Rox, dude!"
"You've had enough, brochacho," Gnobb protested, staring intently out the windshield at something in the distance, tucked neatly between two chunks of rocky debris. "Shit. The gal..." He flung his tentacles at the steering wheel, swerving the ship to their left. It was too late.
Whirling blue and red lights erupted behind them, and they all released a collective groan.
Gnobb idled the engine while the group sealed their loose items into storage compartments and threw on their oxygen helmets.
A purple man floated to the driver's side window and rapped on it lightly. Gnobb undid the airlock, sucking the oxygen from the cabin as he rolled down his window.
"License and registration, please," the enforcer prompted as his partner drifted to the passenger side.
Gnobb pointed at the glovebox compartment, and Chuck scrambled to retrieve its contents.
Quickly handing the officer his documents, Gnobb winced, "I-is there something wrong, sir?"
"Nope," replied the enforcer, sneaking a sly wink, unnoticed, to his human partner and grabbing the certification.
"We just wanted to let you boys know that there are a couple a fellas out here posing as Enforcers," stated the human enforcer. "So stay safe and don't trust anyone."
"But... officer? Why should we trust you, then?" stammered Chuck.
The purple man glared at them. "Are we going to have trouble, boy? Cuz I could write you up for failure to cooperate."
"No, that won't be necessary!" cried Gnobb.
The officers drifted back to their cruiser and took off.


Gnobb gave a nervous smile to his friends, and they all shared a laugh. He throttled it, and they were off again. They hadn't gotten two miles before the lights shone again.
"Oh, god they know!" screamed Chuck, quickly throwing his helmet back on.


A rapping on the glass. "License and registration, please."
Gnobb nudged Chuck again, who checked the glovebox. "It's not there!" he cried.
"Tsk, tsk," scolded the purple officer. "Flying without a license. Gonna' have to write you up, big time for that." He scribbled something on a pad and handed it to Gnobb.
"Five thousand nebulons?!" Gnobb yelped. "I can't pay this!"
The purple officer raised an eyebrow. "You know what?" he said after a moment of thought, "officer Cooper and I are feeling pretty generous today. We'll make you a deal. We know you boys are carryin'. How about you hand over all the illegal substances you have, promise you won't do any more tonight, and we'll let you go with a warning. We want you boys flying safe, understood?"
They all scrambled to grab the bags as Gnobb nodded. "Understood, sir. We promise, we won't do it any more!"
The human officer removed a license and registration papers from a pouch and slipped them into the glove box amidst the confusion.
The enforcers took the substances and left. Chuck looked back to the glove box.
"What he hell?"