Fighting the War Against Yourself

Quick Update: I've been so scatter-brained lately, I haven't updated the site in so long, so forgive me. The following things occurred since I last posted:

I got a job at my local radio station

I started and finished an online class for finding literary agents, and received my critique. (Overwhelmingly positive)

I've started on my novel outline, and am now well underway in my projected 3-month plan to rough draft.

I've been struggling with addictions, not to drugs, but to videogames

And that's what I want to talk about. I've done hours of endless research into my craft now, and I have the corniest thing happening at the moment; I've got this inspirational video playing in the background as I write this.

The biggest struggle myself and many other aspiring authors (and sometimes published authors, too) face is perseverance and determination. All my life, I've gone through cycles of interest. I burn out incredibly fast, and it's actually kind of sad to think on all the unfinished projects I have in my house--mountains of drawings, paintings, and sketches; towers of story concepts, gigabytes(!) of songs I'd written but never sung.

All of my creativity, pooled and rotten. It doesn't help that I suffer from ADHD, OCD, and Depression. It's a constant battle to keep myself focused on what I want from life, rather than what I want to keep me entertained for the next hour. I've had to go through drastic steps; uninstalling all games and additional software from both computers and making game accounts impossible to retrieve. All it takes is a moment of weakness for me to slip into a crash, something I've suffered time and time again. I almost didn't graduate high school on time, due to grades. I almost flunked out of college. I lost an $1800 music scholarship. I've gained weight. I've lost writing competition opportunities.

I'm pulling myself into the light in college. I've lost 30 lbs. since the beginning of the year. I'm pursuing a life as an author.

Do you know what the largest fear in America is?

Public Speaking.

Followed by Death, in 2nd place.

Do you know what my largest fear is?

Time.

That one day I'll wake up and look at the clock and realize that I'm on my deathbed, and I'm in the same place I was seventy years ago. That I'll waste away without contributing a single, Goddamned thing to this world. Me. With all of these gifts I've been given, will squander my talents and support, and waste away into nothing.

I can't let that happen.

They say in the writing world that the difference between the good authors and the great authors is perseverance and determination.

Do I want to be good?

Sure.

But I'd rather be great.

Because it's a feeling I get. When I look at a sunset, or feel raindrops on my skin. The world is telling me it's ready. But I never am. One thing I've taken to doing, is looking at the night sky on a holiday. The stars shine high overhead, a twinkling array of celestial peacekeepers. I look at the heavens, and think one day I might be that high off the ground. I can be one of those protectors. I can be a beacon of hope. I can do so much. 

To all of you just like me, here is my message to you.

I'm going forward. I'm not backing down, not for an instant. I will not rest, I will not falter--even after I've reached my goal. Why stop there? If you've got time, you use it, Goddamn it. But you use it to make you a better person--you use your time to build a better tomorrow, and buy more for everyone else.

So to all my brothers and sisters:

I'm crawling out of the darkness.

Follow me.

-D.

Don't Be -- You Don't Have to Go it Alone

(Picture illustrated by yours truly. The actual file can be found at my profile page on deviantART. You can also find a lot of other works, there--a couple old literature projects, as well as paintings, sketches, and such.)

You want to be the tough one, you need to show everyone you are strong enough to make it through your problems on your own. You don't need to tell anybody about the pain or hurt you feel.

That's what I thought, too.

Last semester, I almost flunked out of college. I'd moved in three days before classes started, and my roommate and I got along really well. But then he started showing up less and less, spending most of his time in his girlfriend's room. I tried not to let it bother me, at first. After all, I always thought of myself as a lone wolf. But left to my own devices, I ended up letting the room fall into disarray, as well as my health.

And it didn't help that I skipped classes one day. And then the next. And then the week after that. What they say is true--you miss one, and you end up missing a whole lot more. Not only was this happening, but my sleep schedule was screwing itself up gradually, too. I was an unshaven, unkempt mess who stayed up 'til 7 A.M. and slept til 7 P.M.

I wouldn't leave the room. Some days I went without eating because I didn't want to show my face to the world. That's how bad things were. My roommate would only come in the room, around 2 A.M., to sleep. Then I wouldn't see him anymore.

One day he showed up and told me to clean up my side of the room. I was aghast. How could this dude, who was never even in the room to begin with, tell me to clean up a room he'd long since abandoned? But I did it, grudgingly.

My biggest regret was not telling him how I felt about all of it. He was a nice guy, and I'm sure something would have changed had I opened my mouth, just once. But I had to be the tough dude. This was my problem alone, right?

NO.

People are willing to help, if you just let them. My parents found out something was wrong, and had I told them from the start, we could have avoided the whole mess. I moved out of the dorm and began my recovery and preparation for the next semester: and I'd have to pass above a certain GPA to avoid being kicked out, altogether.

The problem with the dorm was my feeling of loneliness, even though there were friends all around me. But that's just my point:

You don't have to be alone to be lonely.

And if you're feeling lonely, you should let someone know. Then, you're not lonely anymore. They'll help you feel better, and guide you back on track.

Now, I know my plight wasn't nearly as bad as others' in the world.  My message still applies. People have the ability to do so much good, but they need a little push. Telling them what's wrong can be one such push.

So if you feel you need to be the tough one all the time,

Don't be.

If you are ashamed to talk, to let your voice be heard, especially between sobs,

Don't be.

If you're afraid to reach out for help,

Don't be.

And if you're hesitant to lend help to someone in need,

Don't you dare ever-freaking be, goddamnit.

-D.

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I've Got a Stupid, Awesome Idea -- How Inspiration Ambushes You

(Picture found from www.paprika-ns.com. I was going to do a joke about Miley Cyrus, but I decided no mortal should be forced to see that.)

It's 7:00 A. M. Your alarm just exploded all over your eardrums. You crack your eyes, glare at the clock, and wish you were still in La-La Ca-Ca Dreamland. But the cruel, twisted fates have other plans. Your job hungrily waits, ready to swallow you up when you walk through those doors, then digest you over the next eight to twelve hours and crap you back out again, having since absorbed your hopes and dreams for nutrients.

But on your way to your certain Doom, you look at the busy streets (or the sparse countryside), see the people (or cattle and crops), look at the sunrise and think, "Man, it's going to be alright. Today's gonna' be a good day."

Where was it hiding? You don't remember the exact moment when it jumped out and smashed you over the head with the Sledgehammer of Hope. But you know, despite the grueling, early-morning migraine, you'll thank it later. 'Cause Inspiration is your secret weapon. It not only gave you blunt force trauma with its Hopeful Hammer, it handed the whoopin' stick over to you so you can beat it into your friends, too.

Man, this turned out way more violent than I wanted it to.

Point is: think of inspiration like a guerrilla commando.

I can't explain it; it just happens. I'll have the worst day I've ever had, and then it hits me. I can see it in the horizon, feel it in the winds, and hear it in the waters. Even on the grayest day, certain things just click; they work together to give me an image, or a serenity I so desperately need. Subtle motions in the leaves, the swaying of grain. Doesn't matter.

Hell, most of my inspiration comes at a time when I'm in the shower, hot tub, or using the facilities. I realize this is more information than you really need, but it demonstrates my point. Inspiration comes from any and everywhere. In a way, it's the goddamn creepiest (yet friendliest) stalker you'll ever meet.

It doesn't just give us hope--ideas are a great gift, too!

You wouldn't believe how many stupid (or awesome) things I've cooked up just from looking out the window for two seconds. Especially after I wake up. When I'm reanimated every morning, I simply don't have the will to want to do anything. Even if I've had the most productive day of writing the previous day, I'll feel worthless.

But that clever bastard hits me at the weirdest moment, and then I've got a fire in my soul. The greatest thing is, past a certain point, you start to learn where it hides for you, specifically. And then you can ambush it.

Find where inspiration hides, and seek it out, yourself.

Give yourself that boost you deserve! Actively search for it! Trust me: it'll save you a lot of time!

Everyone deserves to be happy. That's my opinion, anyway. And everyone owes it to themselves to use their full effort and potential in everything they do. Unfortunately, it doesn't always come easily. Sometimes, we need a little extra push...

And a certain inspirational sledgehammer.


-D.



P.S. If you like the blog, or just enjoy a couple topics, hey, that's enough! Please hit that li'l follow button down below! It'd mean a lot to me! Also; tell your friends! Share with your family, coworkers-- force it down your boss's throat!

WARNING: Do not actually force anything down said boss's throat. D. Logan, D. Logan Affiliates, and D. Logan, Inc. cannot be held responsible for any events that may incur upon these actions.

Imagination Saved My Life

(From Spongebob Squarepants)

Spring Break! WHOO! Spring Cleaning! ......

Not what I wanted. This post is coming a little late, today because for the majority of the afternoon I've been cleaning my room. And I'm not a neat person. Things usually sit haphazard, strewn about on the floor. It usually kind of looks like a great big conglomeration of random junk exploded in the center.

But now there's nothing on the floor. Rad.

On to my totally inspirational message. Actually, it's just been something I've mulled over a bit lately, as I work ever-harder on my manuscript.

Creative writing is the act of making worlds from words, and sentience from sentences.

I started writing because I love being creative, but I haven't really thought much about why I love being creative. And I think it all boils down to this: Imagination is one of most amazing things we, as humans, possess. On its own, imagination can pull a life out of the gutter and into wonder. Imagination is something so many people lose when they grow older, something we buried with our family pets in the back yard of our first house. It's what we gave away with our old toys, outgrew with our clothes, and forgot with some of our first memories.

Imagination is what I want to hold on to. It's the one thing that makes me feel my life is worth living.. Imagination aided humanity in its inventions, in television, in movies, in songs, in videogames, and in books. Imagination makes me feel special. Throughout my early years of education, a deep depression was woven into me by careless mockery of my fellow classmates. Kids will be kids, right? But because of it, I continued my life paranoid. Sometimes, I can't tell if someone is being sarcastic, and I have to ask them if they're joking. I take so many things personally because that's what I was used to.

And at the end of my seventh-grade year, I wanted to kill myself.

But I was talented. I was so talented, so loved by my close friends and family that it would be a waste to do myself in. And I viewed the world so negatively. So I turned inward for happiness. I thought up my own worlds, where anything I wanted could be a reality. I lived an alternate life through my characters, told their stories with my own voice, made them strong when I couldn't be.

There's a reason the norm is called the norm. It's normal. It's what we're used to. It's the hum-drum, drab, every-day existence we live. Imagination doesn't change the world. It changes how we see it. Suddenly, those scary trees outside your bedroom window at night become silent guardians, protecting you from even scarier things. Your dad is a mechanic, but he's secretly a superhero who's building a new power source to save the world from evil.

I wanted to kill myself, but if I did, a hundred other worlds would cease to exist. Nobody would ever know about them. But they want people to know. They want me to tell their stories. They need to spring forth and bring others joy.

Writing is my tool for sharing. It's my medium to show people what EVERYONE is made of, not just myself. With a fantastic theme, a book can change a view on life. It did come from Imagination, after all. And not just the writer's imagination! Just because the writer envisions it a certain way, doesn't mean the reader will visualize it exactly the same (unless you drowned them in description).

And we are all writers, not just of stories, but of our fates.

Imagination helped me live. But a nudge was all it gave me. The rest is up to me to decide. And so, while I'm creeping ever-closer to the 24th, when I'll be attending an online class for finding and keeping literary agents (with critique and possibility for further advancement at the end), I'm not just writing a manuscript, but my destiny. That is why I write.

I write in the hope that one day, I can make a difference in someone's life. That through me, Imagination will change them for the better, as it did for me. Last year, I made it my personal mission to go find and buy a DVD copy of my favorite childhood movie, An American Tail: Fievel Goes West .  I did it because it's a fond reminder of how much Imagination has done for me. Sometimes I'll still plug it in the player and reminisce on the past, in preparation for the future.

Because Imagination is a gift I've never forsaken. It gave itself to me in my childhood, and I intend on keeping it close and dear in my heart as long as I live. Imagination is going to carry me to my dreams...

Well, that and a keyboard!


-D.

Blat Blat Goes the Sun

(Photo From Zazzle.com)

I've recently discovered that I'm a morning person. This is in stark contrast to the majority of students at my university. Now, when I say I'm a morning person, I don't necessarily mean that I enjoy waking up early... Or at all, to begin with. No, my friends, I'm talking about the feeling I get when I crawl into my car on the way to school or I'm just standing out on my porch, letting the dog outside. The sun's got my back. Literally. In the morning, on my porch, I'm facing west.

So just why is the sun so special? Because the sun is a vigilante gangster of justice, that's why. Every day the sun comes back to blow the darkness's fricken' head off--the same darkness that conceals the unknown and blinds us. When Big Sol shows up, he lets us see. See the beautiful world we have, walk outside and go about our lives in light. Of course, when night comes, he has to go shoot UV holes through the darkness somewhere else; Big Sol's in high demand, and he loves us all equally.

Okay, but seriously. Past the silly metaphor, the message I'm trying to convey here is: You can love the night, but be grateful for the day, because it's one more day you get to live your life.

And to my fellow Dark Souls fans:

PRAISE THE SUN!!


-D.

Rennovations (For Now) Complete!

(I shouldn't have to link to where this photo came from: it's all over the interwebz.)

Eh, just changed some fonts, the background, and added in Syndri over there. --------->

And it's at this time that the first hint about my manuscript comes out. Syndri is from Inheritor, my manuscript. It's a futuristic Sci-Fi and her personality can be described as follows:

Sass
Strength
The Tough-Girl Complex (Actually, it's less of a complex and pretty much how she is the first half of the novel before certain events happen that make her view life a whole lot differently.)

She's a crazy-ass fighter and an amazing pilot and mechanic.

She is NOT the main character.

That's all I can share at this point. Tune back in tomorrow, and I'll have more for you gents and gentleladies!

-D.

Blog Renovations!

Most Esteemed Land Sharks,


The blog has been silent yesterday and will likely be the same today while I doodle some things to decorate the site. Hopefully when you all next check in, it'll have some flashy new treads (that actually have a lot to do with my manuscript-in-progress.) So I'll see you all then!




-D.